I TOO, AM CONFORMIST

For those who know me, they can agree I am a situational conformist. 

In a warong debate on politics, I always side with the pakcik who argues the loudest. There was a time when I sided with the ones who blabbed most. But that didn’t end well when I caught saliva shots flew onto my face and roti canai. 

The loud pakcik is always a safe bet. The way I see it, the screaming indicates conviction, which is derived from confidence, which is developed from facts and truth! Mind Blown. 

Besides, routing for the loud pakcik takes the least effort in conforming. All you need to do is nod politely at every word he litters and ALWAYS have a reassuring smirk on your face, so that the loud pakcik will always gets to believe that he’s not full of shit. Also occasionally, just for added effects, do repeat the last two or three words he says. At an interval of course…

Case example 1: - 

“Ini semua apa cerita? Boleh cakap Mat Salleh sikit, nak hapuskan Sultan… Nak jual negara laa…”

- “Nak jual negara???”

“Haaa… Itu la, korang orang muda mana tahu?? Tak kaji sejarah. Dok baca internet, dok baca blog, dok baca Muka Buku. Pejadah tu semua… Lagi tinggi sekolah, lagi kecik akal!!!”

- Ishh ishh ishhh… Kecik akal betul ...

“Ha’ahhhh!!!! Tu yang angkat idea-idea barat tuu… Pandang rendah dekat bangsa sendiri. Tokoh-tokoh sendiri dok pandang rendah. Kita ada Dr. Mahathir, kita ada Angkasawan Negara… Kita ada Jaafar Onn, Kita ada Ahmad Bustamam… Kita ada Datok Gajah, Datok Maharajalelawak, Datok M. Amin, Datok M. Daud Kilau… Tu semua tokoh AMNO tu. Tokoh bangsa!!!! Lain kali baca sejarah, kaji maklumat. Ini, dok junjung ulama nyanyok, dok angkat uncle fabulous. Tu la yang LGBT berani buat Bersih tu. Suka sangat la jadi gay tu”

- “Suka sangggaaattt jadi gay… apela… ihik ihik ihik” (tersipu-sipu fabulous)

Case example 2: -

“Hah, cuba nengok nihh. Tulih muka depang dala surak khaba The Moon nihh, “In Nazir, We Trust”. Tau dok demo dapak mano nihh… Slogang Amerikkkkkaaaa nihhhhh… “ In God We Trust” Hok atas dollar tuhhh… (lalu mengeluarkan wang kertas 1 dollar Amerika daripada dompet George Amani beliau) Astaghfirullahh… Nampok?

- “Astaghfirullah… Nampak…”

“Kerajaan maca ni nok suruh kito pangkoh dio? Bush mari Malesia, kito sala tange dio… Dok buwi makang dekak hotel. Dekak palesting tu demo dok pakak dengang Israel bunoh orang Isla rama rama. Astaghfirullah… ”

- “Astaghfirullah…”

“Ulamo’ ado, dok fitnoh, dok kato mace mace… Hok rasuoh, hok main tino, hok gemok debbok, buwi pangkak… buwi projek juto-juto… Hok duduk kapong takdok makang paka… Ujang serek, basoh jeruk”

- “Basuh jeruk” (sambil mengekalkan muka lurus/ straight face)

As seen in these conversations, being a conformist does have its perks and rewards. For one, you may now be able to travel across Peninsula Malaysia and gain the locals’ acceptance. This is extremely useful if you one day decide to marry someone from across the ‘Opposite Coast’. Either coast. 

Having realized this new found magic of Conformity, I will now add a few unrelated, nonsensical phrases to trap horny stalkers in hope that this will increase visits to this Collective-Awesomeness blog.

Betty Benafe kena tangkap basah????

Gambar Diana Rafar bulan madu.

Haliza Misbun jatuh perigi. Basah. Nampak #####.

Jasmin Hamid nafi hubungan dengan Menteri.

Later, folks.

Sol.M.